Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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