i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
