just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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