these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
