also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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