She said her name was "party"
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
