How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I understand Curling. That high.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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