As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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