i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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