i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My bed smells like the plague
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
