Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
