I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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