does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
