please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize