Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Even my vagina gasped.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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