Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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