you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
