You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
