friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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