What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
