Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
