Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
