I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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