You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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