I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
