You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So. Much. Porn.
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