thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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