A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
