just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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