How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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