You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
