6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i permit you to call me
This is not my ceiling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize