my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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