My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
