i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
