no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
PANTIES FOUND
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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