So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
