I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
