Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
