True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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