She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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