i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know, be my cock's hype man.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
