i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
