fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
well you can't waste a boner
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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