Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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