Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
