dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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