you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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