i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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