I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
