ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
