I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
