my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
