Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
