He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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