His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
