you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize