It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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