i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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