I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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