I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
