are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
